A Friendly Reminder From Infection Control

All Hosptal Employees: Please keep your talons trimmed according to policy. We found a large fingernail in a patient's wound yesterday.

Complaint

Jane/Buckethead: I've received the following complaint on our Corporate Compliance Fax (I never knew the thing actually worked). Please let me know how you would like for me to proceed. I have a fresh death card I can throw at Ms. Washington if you wish....

La Complainta

Meester Complaint Sharky:

How como you no savvy my "EL Loco CEO" complaint? You CEO - she still trash white. She no good. She slut. She sleep my man and eat my food. She paint fingernail red like slut and she take my bra. I dont like. She no bueno.I take another picture Funsaver:

She send picture to my man like this. She take my medicine when she here and replace it with vitamins of Flintstone. She think I estupido, but I no estupido - I un-estupido. She soy gringo estupido pendejo.

You tell she bad. Stay away my husband and my medication.

My name Estella Guadalajara Santa Maria Sanchez-Fuentes Washington

UnaCrapper: You dawg, yo ass done been called out. I'm throwin' out my first death card on yo' ass.

I now know that it was your sorry ass who crapped on both Charlene desk and my own desk. You thought you were slick, sitting up there in the ceiling crawlspace, eating stolen Cheetos and drinking cheap malt liquor and touching yourself. I almost had your punk ass the other day, but you caught me at a weak moment and got away. And to shove it in my face, you broke into the CEO's and CFO's office, and stole their bonus Cheetos that they were supposed to distribute out to staff but kept for themselves. But I punk'd yo' sorry ass. Thats right, I dilly-dally diseased yo' ass by poisoning the Cheetos you stole. And I know you ate the shit too, because I've been tracking you through the Hospital crawl spaces. You're feeling weak now, arent you? The constant cramping has kept you retching and shitting almost non-stop. Your insides are turning to mush as you read this, you nasty-ass little green midget. Your eyesight is getting fuzzy and you are hearing things. Blood is trickling out of your orifices, and you have jock itch. That botulism is some pretty nasty stuff, and unfortunately for you, this particular strain is not curable. So wherever you are in the deep recesses of the Hospital, will be your final resting place.

You must be wondering how I figured it all out, since the Hospital doesn't have the technology to perform DNA testing on poo. Well, the answer was simple. I needed an extremely powerful source of energy to create a reverse magnetic phosphodiesterase, so I pulled the dilethium crystals from Belinda Biatchs's vibrator, used the acid diethylamide from the remaining blotter acid that Luther Cobblebritches and I consumed last weekend, and after ingesting this nearly toxic substance, used a simple magnifying glass to determine that the corn in the poo sample you left on my desk was of the same consistency you left in the sample you left on Charlene's desk, and the same that you left in the crawlspaces within the Hospital.

I'd like to close by laughing uncontrollably like they do on the James Bond Movies or like they did in Wayne's World (Uh-wah-ha-ha-ha), but it doesnt sound quite as good on paper.
-Captain Sharky

Turning the tables on you now, Waz

Hospital world security staff, hard at work!

Buckethead and Jane...Hope this answers the question you might have had about the placements of Cheetos! Got this view from one of the many camera around! All I can say is that I better be in on the "sick kid" fund or there just might be a few snap shots posted from other cameras around Hospital World....if you get my drift!

XOXO

The Waz!!!

Excursion of Fear

Only the 4 people in the car will ever truly know the terror of that day . . . but the closest glimpse we have has somehow survived

Important Memo - Contest

To: All Staff
From: Jane Smith, CEO
Date: 8/16/07

I have decided that instead of following blindly in the steps of the "Gung Ho My ASS" book, we at Hospital World should write a sequel so that we can impart our wisdom onto others

Contest: Name that Book

Submit suggestions for the name of the Hospital World morale boosting management book under the comment section of this blog or to redherringjane@gmail.com

Prize TBA

Good Luck!!